(Spalte) Du bist nicht mein „Opa“

I find this social phenomenon really interesting. The word 오빠 has become so loaded that’s it’s almost become a slur(?) the use of it instantly implies an inappropriate relationship or the forcing of. I work with a female colleague in Korea and she’s told me stories of male colleagues saying the same phrase during 회식. ‘오빠라고 해봐‘ which is really cringe. I don’t know how often this really happens and how common it is in everyday life but it’s become enough of a problem where the original meaning has lost all value.

At the same time, it’s interesting to consider whether using the term 누나 would have similar connotations. In the same 회식 setting, if an older woman said ‘call me 누나’ would this then also be considered sexual harassment? I would imagine not but for consistency of the law, should be.

I have plenty of younger female cousins who call me 오빠 and I’ve never thought twice about it and living outside of Korea I guess I don’t place too much meaning on the term but when I’m in Korea and someone calls me 오빠 I now clinch and become super aware of how ppl around me are reacting to hearing me being called that.

In the office, I sometimes hear some male management who go way back call each other 형 or 형님 and I’ve sat in 회식 where someone will say 형이라고 불러. And then those two become chummy afterwards (assuming they start having a more personal relationship afterwards).

I guess the pushback also stems from not wanting to have more personal relationships at work too and blurring the lines between personal and professional life. Plus there’s the extra fear of inappropriate advances from male staff (again this seems to be always front of mind for ppl but I don’t live in Korea full time so I don’t know how common this actually is).

Something related: my cousin did something a little dodgy and I jokingly called her a 도독년 and I got laid into by my aunt(not this cousins mum) for saying 년. I was a little shocked because apparently 도독놈 is fine to say. Every guy is a 놈 but a girl being called 년 is a severe cuss word now.

Forgot to put this in the body, but I thought this part summed it up well

>The feminist writer and scholar Kwon Kim Hyun-young argues that a third definition of “oppa” should be added to the dictionary, beyond the standard “kinship term for a girl or woman’s older male sibling” and “term of endearment for a girl or woman to refer to a boy or man older than her.” Her proposal is as follows:

>“Oppa: A gender role imposed by men on women in a patriarchal society; a form of address men use to pressure women into becoming privately intimate or familiar with them.”

>Those who recognize the power Kim Kwon outlines in this definition of “oppa” use it to place the relationship in a gender hierarchy, to induce compliance as though it were voluntary, and to allow themselves to violate boundaries as though intimacy had erased them. For that reason, they tend to use it when offering women something (“Let oppa take care of it”) or ask women to do the dirty work for them (“What if you tried calling me oppa?”). 

I work in a hakwon where an older female colleague who I worked with for over a decade often referred to herself as my nuna in a similar way. (“Nuna cares for you,” “Nuna will always look out for you!,” etc.) Is it kind of cringe now, typing it out here in the cold light of day? Sure. Is it joking/teasing? Yeah. Is it implying the possibility of elevating a long term friendship and professional relationship to something more? Possibly. Is it sexual harassment? I honestly don’t know, but I wasn’t very bothered by it, personally.

Should that politician have said it to an elementary schoolgirl? Almost certainly not. Do I wish that people who like to latch on to these incidents, publish outraged articles, try to extrapolate it out into a society-wide issue, and pretend it’s always only ever men doing these things to women would consider the possibility of it happening in the other direction, even for a moment? Yes, yes, I do.