Ich habe ein paar Threads über Ausländer gelesen, die zum Studieren oder Arbeiten nach Finnland kommen und irgendeine Form von Einsamkeit erleben. Ich bin vor drei Jahren aus dem Vereinigten Königreich gezogen und wurde von der Gemeinschaft, in der ich lebe, sehr willkommen geheißen. Zugegeben, ich habe eine finnische Frau und die Gemeinschaft hat ein paar internationale Familien, aber ich habe eine Reihe einheimischer finnischer Freunde, die mir das Gefühl gegeben haben, ein gutes Gefühl zu haben äußerst willkommen. Ausländern, die nach Finnland kommen, würde ich folgenden Rat geben: – Lernen Sie die Sprache. Schon ein grundlegendes Verständnis zeigt die Bereitschaft, sich an Ihre neue Umgebung anzupassen. – Sagen Sie Ja zu jeder Gelegenheit, neue Leute kennenzulernen. In meinen ersten Jahren nahm ich Einladungen an, Schach- und Badmintonclubs beizutreten. Beides waren keine Sportarten, die ich besonders mochte, aber ich traf viele Leute, mit denen ich jetzt befreundet bin. – Melden Sie sich an, um am Ehepartnerprogramm teilzunehmen. Dies war eine großartige Quelle für Ratschläge aller Art und eine gute Möglichkeit, Leute kennenzulernen: https://spouseprogram.fi – die Teilnahme an Gruppenaktivitäten wie dieser (auf Englisch) bietet die Möglichkeit, andere Gleichgesinnte zu treffen: https:// teemusyrjala.info/events/mens-weekend Ich hoffe, das hilft irgendwie.
https://old.reddit.com/r/Finland/comments/1bgzue2/loneliness_for_foreign_men_in_finland/
Von El_Hatcherino
14 Kommentare
It sounds like the connections afforded to you through your wife have been doing the heavy lifting. Great advice regardless though.
Its because of your wife and your skin color. Its is not difficult I would say impossible to befriend someone here no doubt I am planning to leave this country.
You can learn the language as much as you want, you can integrate as much as you can, you will still be an outsider and treated differently. One of the most isolated people i have ever seen in my life. I have made more friends visiting other countries for 2 weeks than here in 13 year.
Here are two important things. First , you are from the UK and your wife is Finnish. I have been here for 17 years, speak Finnish fluently, and have studied for s master’s degree here in Finland, but Im lonely, because I am asian.
It’s not just a „foreign men“ issue a lot of finnish men and women are lonely too myself included 🙁
It’s just not foreign men who feel lonely, but finnish ones too, it’s normal here
I feel like there’s a sort of bias in Finnish people. Give them a WASP and they will be much more open compared to other ethnicities. Same goes for the expectations about Finnish language. People just flock to them happy to speak English. I know lots of people from different countries where I live, having worked in a international project. The only ones who managed to integrate without having to learn Finnish at an acceptable level are British or American.
Generally good advice but at the same time very generic
When it comes to making connection people often look for similarity, so you already have a few advantages here
However in the end it’s about social skills and accepting the fact that not everyone around you will reciprocate, just move on to different crowd/city
„learn the language. Even a basic grasp shows willingness to adapt to your new environment.“
This makes a HUGE difference literally anywhere in the world
I would add that, don’t feel pressure to learn Finnish. We know that’s really hard and most of times, it’s easier for everyone to speak English. Willing to learn shows effort, but I don’t think that’s so important.
It’s sad to read these bad experiences in comments. That mingling is important. I think Finns do make an effort to welcome foregneirs most of times if you give them a chance.
I’m still lonely despite trying very hard and speaking the language, I believe it is because of the following reasons:
– Nordic people are individualistic and independent, they leave their parents early and aren’t keen on making friends because they have friends from childhood. The upbringing tells them to be self-sufficient and not bothering people by asking for help, etc.
– Even when they make friends, they need their alone time and they get tired if you’re very social with them. The social interaction between Nordic people is less warm even when they are best friends compared to Mexicans or Malaysians for example. For them that is OK because they haven’t experienced social life in another country so nothing to compare with.
– People don’t show their weak sides, a lot of people in the world cry and complain when they are with friends. Finns never do that so an opportunity to make friends is lost.
– People don’t need each other, the government helps them with everything so there is no point to form relationships with people as in many countries where even getting a paperwork done requires a lot of calls and dealing with people in person.
– Reciprocity isn’t a thing: You invite people over and over, they are polite, kind and accepting people but they don’t repeat that next time, at some point you get tired of always being the guy to text first.
– Some people are xenophobic, that is sad but some small percentage of Finns openly said that they are happier to see western white expats than deal with foreigners from other backgrounds such as China, Middle Eastern countries (Iran, Iran, Turkey, Lebanon, etc), India or African countries, etc. So coming from UK/Germany/Australia/USA gives you an advantage.
I have had mostly negative experience when making friends in Finland: I have been blocked by someone who I thought was my friend, we never had a conflict so I was surprised to see that. We didn’t even talk about anything controversial.
Birthday stories: I asked my coworkers after working with them for about 2 years when is their birthday. Most of them just said the month (they didn’t specify the day so I won’t gift them anything, I got surprised, but I thought OK they are private people and they don’t want their privacy to be invaded, so I stopped asking that). Only one girl answered: I remembered the date and I surprised her with a birthday gift, she said thank you and was pleasantly surprised but she didn’t ask me when is my birthday, then I gave it another chance and invited her on my birthday to a restaurant. She came happily and ate the meal and congratulated me but came without a gift :(((( This lack of warmness just killed me and made me question my life here.
One stereotypical answer to make friends is going to hobbies, I keep going to hobbies and during the hobby session people communicate and talk about shallow small talk things, but then everyone goes home and no one texts or invites each other back.
I’m sorry for the pessimistic answer, majority of Finns are very good and kind people so its not a criticism, but they haven’t experienced the warm social interaction from other cultures, hence they are happy with their friendships. The same way they haven’t had actual good pizza or sushi and they are happy with the mediocre pizzas in Finland.
You are from UK. If you are from middle east, asia, afrika or eastern europe nothing will help you. Personally i do speak the language and im more extrovert. I have good job and i have multiple hobbies that include group activities. The only success ive had so far is in hookup apps which lasts less than hour
Looks like a an ad for your ~400e „men program“ which is why your post focuses on men.. sad that this preys on people’s struggle with loneliness to pop promote your events.
Loneliness among finns is an epidemic.