Dating im Zeitalter des Algorithmus: Dating-Apps haben Intimität in einen Marktplatz der Frustration verwandelt. Sie schüren Geschlechterkonflikte und entziehen unseren intimsten Wünschen rücksichtslos den Wert.
https://jacobin.com/2025/12/dating-apps-men-women-capital
30 Kommentare
We’ve even managed to enshitify getting laid
Fuck the apps. Nobody should use them seriously
Dating apps ruined my confidence and made me just give up on dating. I admit I was pretty bitter when I was on the apps but I’m not bitter anymore because I’m just mentally defeated by dating.
TL;DR: Dating apps promise love and connection but are designed by capitalist incentives to maximize user engagement and profit, deliberately prolonging frustration and singledom through addictive features and suboptimal matching.
This creates widespread disappointment, which gets misdirected into intensified gender conflicts—men feeling rejected and powerless, women overwhelmed by unwanted attention and risks—rather than critiquing the platforms themselves.
The real “winner” is capital, which extracts value from our unmet desires for intimacy, displacing class critique onto inter-gender blame. The authors call for reclaiming love from profit-driven commodification.
No shit Sherlock.
I went from a 10 year relationship to being single again a couple years ago and it’s wild how much worse all of the dating apps are compared to the early 2010s.
Every single one puts you at the mercy of who the algorithm decides to show you, with no options for actually seeking people out, and even trying to tailor your matches (ie: I don’t want to be matched with guys young enough to be my son) seems to be taken as mere suggestions unless you pay.
Dating apps connecting people successfully are not making money. Their motto: hold the line, add another quarter.
I am surprised that folks are still using the apps. I live in the big city and there is like zero activity. So maybe there is some truth inside this article.
Anyone know a good alternative?
As someone who just missed this trend I’m constantly hearing from the slightly younger people how absolutely mangled modern dating is. They’ve deployed the same algorithmic dopamine slot machine system to dating that everything else uses and it’s terrible. I fully believe half of users are conditioned towards scrolling fomo leaving them semi incapable of dating properly. The constant easy access to new faces and notifications is way too attractive to our monkey brains. What if the next persons a bit better? swipe swipe swipe
Reminds me of the Marshall McLuhan proposition that any technology, taken to its limit, will achieve the opposite of its intended purpose.
I’m paraphrasing. I’m sure he had a better way of saying it.
Dating, like everything else in the modern internet world, reduces authentic connection in the non digital world. There’s an APP for everything and while they provide convenience, people are engaging less and less for real and losing social skills.
There’s also the FOMO factor so rather than investing time in getting to know someone, there seems to be an endless number of other opportunities around the corner. Unless everything lines up perfectly immediately, people move on.
At this point in time, can anyone in good conscience say that this technology is good for humanity? I know the tech bros keep telling us to “trust them” /s
Damn, and I thought Silicon Valley was all about making our lives better through technology.. and it’s just about money.
I’m so fucking glad I became friends with my now fiance on a Minecraft server instead of having to deal with this shit.
When I used dating apps, most girls had similar profiles, interests, and such… or they didn’t write much of anything, relying solely on their appearance. In trying to find a friend on BFF Bumble, I find it’s the same for guys.
I found my partner in someone who defied this norm and wrote about who she genuinely is. I did the same, so it was easy for us to connect.
This makes me think that the key is to
(a) put in effort describing who you are, your personality, and your interests and
(b) be genuinely yourself, so that you stand out as a singularly unique person.
With this, you’ll be passed over by most, but a few will be enticed by you, because they resonate with you and you stand out from the crowd. That person is the one you are looking for, anyways.
Why would any dating app want you to successfully find dates? That’s bad business model. They need you on the app forever so they can nickel and dime you. Just like healthcare. Why heal you if it ensures you’ll be back paying into the system. Capitalism isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about keeping you in the same spot paying your monthly like a good boy/girl
This year I decided to give it a shot to dating apps, after 5 months in a lot of them the best thing I got was a girl that after 2 months confessed to me she only saw me as a Sugar Daddy basically… Keep in mind I don’t have money and I’m not old so I don’t know how to feel about myself…
Tinder used to be fun back in the day. But that was before it was pay to play. And then it took a huge downturn once only fans became huge and they’d use it to promote their only fans.
Hear me out. Publicly owned dating app.
The venn diagram of people who are good at playing the dating app game and of people who would make good partners in a relationship is two barely crossing circles. Like the olympic rings.
Guys, rule #1: Never go full dinner on first date. Apps and a couple of drinks tops. Don’t be suckers
I think people just like the bitch. For the last year or two everyone’s been talking about everyone’s getting off the apps and joining running clubs or doing all these other activities and it’s like okay have fun spending two years getting to know three people of the opposite sex. I’d rather go on 20 first dates and find someone decent to give it a shot with then put all my eggs in a smaller basket.
Human connection has, in general, been monetized.
People say dating hadn’t been ruined by the apps (plus social media) but honestly it has, its conmodified and gamified the whole thing, toxic behaviour is normal and a lot of people are just checked out. When you break down having to pay to really have a shot of getting matches, it all sounds a bit stupid
I have overcome this by sending everyone.. and I mean everyone (check your inbox) a picture of my penis. It’s a real alpha move cause I’m a lion.. but I like to fuck sheep (or the other way around, I forget). Anyway, this strategy seems to work approximately 1/1000 times.. but weirdly enough my cousin Betty is always the one who it works on.. I don’t get it.
Anyway good luck out there! Always looking for new tactics if anyone has anything like this that works for them.
They also steal ALL of your data.
Offer even the potential of sex to people and they’ll sacrifice a lot.
I don’t care how desperate I get, I’m never stooping to using these disgusting apps that are quite literally destroying the fabric of society. I remember when people used to be shamed for using online dating and after seeing the damage it’s done, I kind of wish we kept the stigma.
Maybe the money from the big monopoly of dating app owning conglomerates, or the startup cost is too high, but I’m always surprised that no one has even attempted to make an app with counter programing in mind. EVERYTHING in the dating app space is gross, expensive, inauthentic, shallow, and I can’t help but think if someone put out a well made dating app that was hyper affordable, genuine/authentic, and truly focused their algorithm and designs on creating good matches, it would be successful.
Basically someone bring back OKCupid and at a rate that will make the company money, but don’t sell out and don’t get greedy (too much to ask, I know).
Another thing we can blame monopolies for. Match.com was the most cynically designed app ever until Klarna and they just buy out every other app that gains momentum.
I have never been on a tinder date. The entire premise of taking someone at face value never appealed to me, it seems far too superficial. Rather meet people organically out in the real world