Mein Mann hat vor kurzem angefangen, als Englischlehrer zu arbeiten, und das schon seit fast drei Wochen. Während eines Gesprächs mit seinem Manager antwortete er mit "Hmmm" um zu zeigen, dass er nachdachte und aktiv zuhörte. Sie sagte ihm, dass es unhöflich sei und etwas, was nur eine Freundin oder ein Freund sagen würde. Und nicht einmal unangemessen?! Sie schrieb ihm sogar um 20 Uhr eine SMS und rief ihn an, aber er antwortete nicht, weil es spät in der Nacht war. Ehrlich gesagt verstehe ich ihre Reaktion nicht. Wir haben in drei verschiedenen Ländern gelebt und Tausende von Menschen getroffen und noch nie erlebt, dass sich jemand dadurch beleidigt fühlte. Ich verstehe auch nicht, was sie meinte, als sie sagte: "Sie sind (der Name meines Mannes)."Ich habe keine Ahnung, was sie andeuten wollte oder was ihre Absicht war. Kann jemand erklären, was sie meint und warum sie sich so verhält? Ich kann es wirklich nicht verstehen. Mein Mann hat eine sanfte und etwas weibliche Persönlichkeit, daher fühlt es sich an, als würde sie ihren Frust über etwas äußerst Unbedeutendes an ihm auslassen. an mehreren Arbeitsplätzen, an denen ich gearbeitet habe, habe ich gesagt "Hmmm" an Leute, die jahrelang in höheren Positionen als ich waren, und es hat nie zu Problemen geführt. Also ich verstehe es nicht wirklich
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27 Kommentare
*The manager is Korean, Im leaving a comment because I dont know how to edit the post
So, in Korean when you are actively listening to someone you say yes (네). If you are close or they are young/lower position than you you can say mmmm (응). The boss is probably annoyed because he thinks your husband is disrespecting him by replying like his senior.
Its dumb and the boss should understand that your husband doesn’t know Korean and is respond in an English speakers manner, but that is probably what is happening.
This is called manipulation. This is alarming.
She wrote “cuz”. Is the manager 15 years old?
One korean I know told me that it is better to say „hmmm“ to at least make them aware that I am thinking. I am the type of guy who just shut up and talk when I figure out what to answer. I would sometimes take a few sec to think – It is just the way I am, nothing else.
I would say that his Manager is a total weirdo. Not because she dislikes it but because of the way she explains it. The late call at night for that is also a big red flag. Hard to make sense of it.
You can find plenty of korean boss super annoying about little things but this one.. It is the first time I hear 😅
They just want a “yes man.” To Koreans, saying “hmmm” isn’t acceptable, it sounds more like, “Let me think about whether you’re reasonable for me to say yes to,” or “I think you might be wrong.” Even if that’s true, you should never say “hmmm” to your boss. It comes across as negative or almost arrogant.
Communicating with bosses in Korea is difficult because they don’t usually accept different opinions; they just want you to follow instructions without questioning them. My simple advice: if it’s not a big deal, just do what she tells you. Understanding the culture takes time.
Well as a Korean I think she’s just weird. And i have no idea what she meant by ‚you are (name).‘
I think she has some weird idea that you shouldn’t use expressions like hmm or whatever. Eh…and her english is really hard to understand. What the heck is she trying to say?
I actually had this „argument“ (I mean I wasn’t that invested in it but it did piss me off in the moment) with an American on Reddit.
Some American guy (who seemed otherwise normal and pleasant in other threads) on the language learning forum took my starting comments (in reply to others, not him) with „hmm“ as a condescending way to express doubt, whereas I meant it as a thoughtful „let me show I’m thinking“.
Before this I would have thought maybe it’s cos English is (presumably) her second language but now I think maybe „hmm“ is just one of those tricky words? I mean I still find it a bizarre overreaction but this is the 2nd time now I’ve seen this interpretation
이런 꼰대들만 없으면 한국 참 살기 좋은데 아쉽네
It’s going to get worse…. I hope your husband has other options or lots of patience.
Hi, I’d like to provide context to this as a Korean born & raised in Korea by Korean parents.
Sounds like “hmmm” and “uhhhhh” are seen as idiotic in Korean culture. Elders in Korea think that it shows signs of ignorance and carelessness to the other person.
In America, it’s common to use those sounds as a sign of thinking. In Korea, it shows a lack of intelligence.
Context over, providing opinions:
I think her behavior as a manager is problematic. That is something you discuss at work in person. Not over KakaoTalk. Unless the manager is an old lady, her being offended by common western mannerisms by an English teacher is absurd. I can see why she doesn’t want him doing it in front of students, but it shouldn’t be something to take offense over. To me, it sounds like she is trying to bully him into submission. Her behavior is unprofessional!
Maybe the manager is reading it as “mmmmmmmmm” instead of “hmmmmmm”.
Which admittedly, would be super weird.
Your husband needs to explain that „hmm“ is not rude in English. And that it does NOT translate to „음…“ in Korean. This is 100% due to the manager’s level of English.
She’s confusing “hmm” with “응.” Even though she’s younger, she’s likely a 꼰대 who is wanting to pull rank over your husband. Some people are like this but not all are. She sounds like she’s going to be a sensitive pain in the ass.
Your husband needs to say 네 “ne” when responding/showing he is listening. He is saying anything like hmm/uh huh is going to come off like 응, which is 반말 or informal speech.
The manager is upset with him for something that is pretty specific to Korean culture, so it’s a bit unfair/unrealistic for her to assume your husband understands the social “mistake” he is making here. She’s not actually explaining the issue to him and her texts are just confusing to someone who doesn’t already know the faux pas being made.
The Korean way to handle this would be to just make sure he always says 네 instead of any sort of hmm/응 sound from now on.
If he *really* feels compelled to respond to her text, he could respond the next morning. I would not give her an evening response since she shouldn’t even be texting this late to begin with, but I’d say something like:
>“I think there is a misunderstanding due to our culture and language differences. In English, saying ‘hmm’ is a polite way to show you are actively listening to someone, like saying 네. It is not 반말 or impolite. However, your messages made me realize hmm in English might sound similar to 응 in Korean. Since we were speaking in English and not in Korean, I didn’t realize you might feel this way. It was not my intention to sound impolite. I will try to be more conscious of how I respond in the future. I hope you can understand me.”
The ‘I hope you can understand me’ line sounds weird in English, but is something Koreans often say in this situation (stems from translating “이해해 주시기 바랍니다 / 양해를 부탁드립니다”). Notice how I didn’t actually say sorry or really apologize in that message either—he doesn’t have anything to admit fault for. She is being rude and trying to scold your husband for something that is totally ethnocentric.
Well, aside from the cultural aspects discussed, hagwon owners are known to be insane and controlling. The only way to win is not to play
I don’t get it either. If the manager works with English Teachers, she should know already that „hmmm“ for a lot of native English speakers means precisely what you explained it means.
So either she’s dumb, or intolerant, or there’s another reason.
This sounds like a cultural barrier. If this happened in Korea then your husband needs to assimilate just like how pleasant immigrant would assimilate into your country. But if this happened outside of Korea then the boss can get off his high horse.
My friend’s doing PhD. His professor told him, when I ask you something, don’t reply with „sure“. It’s disrespectful. I’m not your friend.
(And no, he cared about his PhD too much to reply with „Sure“ ㅠㅠ)
The manager is a total freak thats all I gotta say
good ole’ Honorifics = )
I’d immediately reply „hmmm“ with 🤔
And find another job. You can still dodge that bullet.
Welcome to the land of things that don’t make sense. You’ll find in Korea a lot of things are just „stupid“ to us westerners but to Koreans it’s all about shame. East asian culture is shame based. Western culture is guilt based. Think about it.
I think she is an asshole. It is quite shocking that she is in her 20s and 30s.
I think her way of communication is very rude and violates the policy of the company if your husband’s company has ; Sending messages late at night and calling at night. I think your husband should talk to her boss. I am sorry to hear that.
My take is that it’s just a cultural misunderstanding. It’s not really about the meaning of „hmmm“. This manager, for whatever reason, would like your husband to be more formal. She should understand that he’ll communicate differently, and likewise, your husband should adapt to the norms of the Korean workplace within reason. Both need to bend a bit to adjust to the other.
In this situation, it seems like the manager’s expectations of your husband are unreasonable, but she wasn’t rude when making this request. She’s actually being quite diplomatic here to try to not offend your husband. I don’t know the whole story, and this is also third-hand info. Maybe there are small things he does that are slightly inappropriate, or there’s a subtle tone or body language with the „hmm“ that presents as disagreement to her. We don’t know….but she’s choosing the „Hmm“ to make the point.
Alternatively, she could be on a power trip because she feels insecure and your husband is a model employee.
I’ve dealt with both of these scenarios while teaching abroad. It’s best to keep an open-mind and be aware that some people will be like this, and to not get too bent out of shape about it. It’s all part of the package when working abroad.
Honestly , I would quit. She’s doing too much and already has your husband as a locked in target 🤷🏾♀️
simply put, „hmmm“ sounds like 응…which i believe s 반말(banmal) and not really a honorific/respectful tone to a manager. It kinda sounds like if a boss was telling you something important, and you reply like „uh huh, sure buddy“ or like „yeah, bro“. Just kinda let him know to be careful and intentional with his language.