Warum es schwieriger ist, sich selbst zu vergeben, als es sich anhört. Menschen, die sich bemühten, sich selbst zu vergeben, hatten oft das Gefühl, dass das Ereignis in ihren Gedanken noch frisch war, auch wenn es vor Jahren geschehen war. Sie beschrieben die Wiederholung des Moment
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A new study from Flinders University has revealed why forgiving ourselves can be so difficult for some – even when we know it might benefit our mental health.
The research, published in the journal Self and Identity, looked at the real-life experiences of people who feel stuck in guilt and shame after making a mistake or going through a difficult situation.
The study explored why some people struggle to forgive themselves, comparing personal stories from 80 individuals who either did forgive themselves eventually with those who felt they never could.
The study found that people who struggled to forgive themselves often felt that the event was still fresh in their minds, even if it had happened years ago.
They described replaying the moment over and over, feeling stuck in the past, and struggling with intense emotions including guilt, regret, shame and self-blame.
[https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15298868.2025.2513878?scroll=top&needAccess=true](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15298868.2025.2513878?scroll=top&needAccess=true)
The moment I’m mortified, that’s it. The feelings become burned into my heart.
Forgiving myself hits like, bullshitting myself with waving off an error or excuse making to lessen the severity of the hit. I’m mostly opposed to waving things off or bullshitting myself so, the negative feelings stick.
Anecdotally, this makes absolute sense to me. I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years, in my 20’s. It took me until I was about 42 to fully work through it and forgive myself. For not leaving earlier, for what my life was like in that situation, so many things. I had to have years of living authentically, being comfortable with myself and making good decisions, and the love of my amazing husband to work through it completely. It is possible though, and the healing is so freeing.
Sounds like those people that replay the event have some predisposition for mental perseveration of negative events/memories. I wonder what would help them break that cycle.
Totally relate. My disabled son was injured in a bike accident on my watch. That was years ago but every day I see the surgery scars and his limited range of motion from the accident. It was an accident, but I can never forgive myself, relive the event almost daily in my mind, and could just cry every time I think of it. I will die this way.
I’m used to rumination about things that have come and gone – my coping mechanism is to name it Bob, because it reminds me of Blackadder so I ridicule the voice, not today, Bob.
I definitely relate to this study. The inability to forgive one’s self makes the event feel very recent. I’ve been struggling with this for an entire year. Each day at least once a day, I replay the same chain of events over in my head. It’s horrible.