Ich habe den Melania-Film ertragen, damit Sie das nicht tun müssen – ich bedauere nur, dass ich kein Popcorn gekauft habe, also wurde einer meiner Sinne unterhalten: „Jeder will es wissen“, sagt Melania zu Beginn der zweistündigen Extravaganz – aber tun wir das?

>**As I emerge from the cinema, I have the strange feeling that I have not only learned nothing but lost brain cells.**

Snippets: (I’ve probably bored you enough…)

* It’s Friday afternoon at Hoyts on Sydney’s northern beaches, and the atmosphere is horrific. I am here to see Amazon’s $75m “documentary” on Melania Trump, which has already been condemned as a flop ahead of its release.
* When I arrive, I panic for a second that I have the time wrong. There are no Melania posters anywhere and the screening is tucked into the back bottom corner of the large movie theatre, like the weird leftover table at a wedding.
* Eventually, just eight people arrive. The cinema has a capacity of about 150 people. There’s a couple, an elderly lady, a few middle-aged men and me. We all sit in the back for some reason.
* Then there is her first voiceover.
* **“Everyone wants to know, so here it is, 20 days in my life, family, business, philanthropy and becoming first lady of the United States again.”**
* **The next segment of the film is Melania trying on outfits. Then she is looking at the menu for the inauguration dinner. Then she is with an interior designer, discussing nightstands and cabinets for the White House.**
* This could be the ultimate trad wife film, I ponder**, except that Melania doesn’t actually do anything domestic – other people do it for her while she instructs them.**
* Some of the weirdest moments are her interactions with the president. In one scene, she is on the phone to Trump as he excitedly discusses how many electoral college votes he won. **“That’s a good one,” she says robotically, then “bye, congrats”.**

Even maga doesnt give a shit

Spoiler alert – The slug wears the same skin suit in the movie

F u for buying a ticket

Not one bit interested. She’s full of herself too.

My reaction to Melania: Trump of the Will is to play Becoming on Netflix repeatedly.