Bruce Willis ‚Frau reagiert auf die Kritik an Paaren, die getrennt leben, während er Demenz kämpft: „Sie bekommen kein Sprichwort“

> Willis added that she’s doing her best to keep the negative criticism out of her mind. „The truth is that the opinions are so loud and they’re so noisy,“ she said, „but if they don’t have the experience of this, they don’t get a say — and they definitely don’t get a vote.“

> „Too often, caregivers are judged quickly and unfairly by those who haven’t lived this journey or stood on the front lines of it,“ she wrote. „Sharing openly may invite opinions, but more importantly, it creates connection and validation for those actually navigating the realities of caregiving every day. That’s who I share for, and so I can build a deeper connection with a community that understands this journey.“

She is doing the right thing for herself, her family, and for him. Dementia is an ugly disease as it advances and it only has one end. She should have kept it private, but she was probably trying to head off criticism, which happened anyway. It’s disgusting behaviour.

Their daughters are 13 or younger. If I had some kind of early onset dementia I would choose before severely deteriorating to not subject my child to living with a dementia patient if I could afford it.

I don’t get the criticism. Many nursing home patients have a spouse at home who’s unable to take care of them. That’s why the nursing home exists.

What is wrong with that exactly? He probably has full-time care in her absence and she needs to take care of a bunch of young teenagers. Having someone severely deteriorating with dementia around them(and her) could tarnish their memories of him and cause a lot of pain, it would make for an extremely complicated living arrangement. I’m sure she spends time with him when she has the chance to, and I’m sure he’s being well taken care of in his last stage of life. Which honestly seems like a BEST case scenario for this situation.

It’s no one’s business what she does. Only she can determine whether or not she can care for her husband who has dementia.

People seem to forget that a person with dementia or alzheimer’s tend to wander off, can hurt themselves, or can hurt you because they don’t remember who they are or who you are.

They can become highly agitated, confused, and combative, and that’s when caring for them can become dangerous. That’s what happened to my grandfather.

I’m sure it was becoming more and more difficult for her to maintain a normal home. I’m sure it was a chore to make sure Bruce didn’t wander off or hurt himself.

There is only so much one can do before having to put a family member into a facility that can care for them 24/7. It’s not an easy decision, but I do understand it.

My dad’s grandfather hit him once, just didn’t know who he was for a moment. I’ve heard of people hurting children or their caretakers, on purpose or accidentally. It could also be really difficult to watch your own parent going through that while you’re so young. I’m sure he’s getting the best care he can, there’s no perfect solution </3

While I understand her decision, feels like she’s trying to make this a public thing. If you feel you have to announce it, ok. You don’t have to follow-up with haters – you owe nobody nothing and it just spirals from here.

My paternal grandma came to live with us when she had rapidly advancing dementia.

I was 10-11, and my mom (with zero medical training) was kind of forced to take over as her full time nurse.

Money was an issue. Medicaid gave the option of a nursing home or her living with us, and dad couldn’t stand to see her be put in a home. So mom hesitantly agreed to quit her job try and take care of grandma until “things got bad”.

It was very confusing for me, as a kid.

I’d wake up at 2am with grandma knocking on my door, and then yelling at me that she expected her (long dead) sister to answer the door, and who the fuck was I?

I’d get up to get a drink of water and see grandma in the living room, taking and hiding random objects all over the house, while mumbling things to herself. I found her dentures in my shoes. I found her hearing aids in the fridge.

She would have spells where she kind of knew where she was, but she resented it.

My dad was never her favorite child. So when grandma “woke up” aggressive, she would rant and rave about why she couldn’t live with my aunt Jan (who lived across the country, never helped financially and never visited), and call my mom “that b**** white woman” and me “the ugly kid”.

My parents put me in a lot of summer camps and sports and after school activities that year. Because they knew grandma made me feel unsafe to be alone with. So they let me be out of the house as much as possible.

Before the dementia, Gigi was a lovely woman to my mom and me. But afterwards, she either didn’t recognize us. Or showed a ton of racism and vitriol that took a heavy toll on my 11 year old self.

I’d never experienced racism in my life before my own grandma called me “filth”, at 4am when I was trying to guide her down the hallway and put her back to bed.

She was also in frequent pain. Muscle atrophy from being confused and not wanting to move. She couldn’t describe pain to doctors, so they couldn’t deal with her issues correctly in a home setting. They didn’t know what hurt. So it was hard to treat her.

She had ear and bowel impactions. She would fall in the night and then just…Lay on the floor silently. So she broke her hip. We didn’t find her until morning.

And this is back before door alarms were a thing. We just weren’t equipped to keep her comfortable or safe at all.

But my dad insisted that she would die if we put her in a home. So she stayed, miserable, unsafe. Making us feel unsafe.

It just kept getting worse.

She never had a problem with incontinence, until she did. And then, like an upset dog, she would pee on my piano bench or my mom’s rocking chair. Never anything of my dad’s.

The worst was (we lived on a small hobby farm with a few livestock) I was raising baby chicks in a warmer container in my bedroom (4H project). I woke up to my grandma, in my room, trying to kill a baby chick.

My dad bought me a lock for my door after that, but mom couldn’t handle it anymore. She rehomed our pet cat. Thinking Gigi would hurt him.

I overheard my mom talking to a friend one day. The friend asked if they at least kept grandma “pain free”, and my mom explained that yes, she had morphine drops that could be given almost at will, but my mom had to keep track of the times, so she didn’t accidentally OD.

The friend suggested that maybe…My mom just “forgot” one day. And let her have more morphine.

I remember my mom just breaking down crying. Asking the friend to leave.

Shortly after, Mom threatened dad with divorce if grandma didn’t go to a nursing home and get proper care. Dad left for a few days, angry.

Gigi went to a nursing home when dad came back. He had arranged it when he was gone.

My parents marriage was fucked up for a long time after that, but dad finally admitted that it was hurting us to be in the home with her while he was at work all day, and there was nothing else he could do.

She lasted maybe 9 months in the nursing home, with dad visiting every day. They kept her well drugged. So she seemed less upset. But who knows if she was happier.

Nothing about this is easy.

She looks like a nice lady

I was recently watching Michael Beihn’s podcast and his latest guest was Rick Rossovich (Terminator, Top Gun). It was a lighthearted interview up until the very end when he said his wife has dementia and sometimes forgets who he is. He kept it together but you could tell it hurts.

Unless you have experienced living with a person with this condition, you have no idea.

Until you’ve experienced this yourself, you don’t get to criticize.

Anyone who criticizes her has never encountered the violence and loneliness of end stage Alzheimer’s disease. My neighbor’s husband had it. Caretaking should be left to a professional if at all possible. I really feel for Bruce & his family.

He was the primary provider and he is no longer actively doing that, and he is in no state to question how dedicated she is either, so yeah she is the only one who gets a say.

Providing care is not equal to caring. This should be very clear.