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23 Kommentare
[deleted]
>Having a child means finances are tight, and all her goals and ambitions – travelling, setting up a business and building an investment portfolio – have been pushed aside.
I’m going to guess that if you gave her a time machine and then said, look you can either have your children again, or you can set up a business and have an investment portfolio… well, I wonder what the choice would actually be.
These people appear to be burnt out as much as anything. And I wonder to what extent they have certain conditions which would have caused a similar level of disatisfaction regardless of what they had done in life.
>She now makes time to go to the gym and see friends and is trying to give herself permission not to strive for perfection.
>“I’m finally able to say, ‚No, sorry, I’m tired and I’m going to have an early night. Have whatever you want for supper; Daddy is here.'“
Parents should absolutely be making time for themselves and their hobbies and interests, and both parents should be absolutely taking part in the children’s lifestyles. It’s really telling that the concept that she can say ‚daddy is here‘ is almost a final option.
This seems heavily a western problem with the new age of social media as well as non stop work life and not having a great support system or the father of the kids around. Also to factor in having kids later such as 30+ and not actually planning for kids, I think often alot of people aren’t consciously saying this is who I choose to marry and who I choose to be with and who I want to have kids with It just seems to kind of happen and then issues follow after
EDIT – I want to clarify western for those who have issues with this word due to the times we live, when I say western its not only a place its a mentality and that mentality is to work for the system until you are dead and to put family values to the side and to have a lack of togetherness as a community and to put yourself first above all others theres alot more but you’ll find this makes a person far from happy in the end and this mentality is making its way to other countries which in the end brings about no good
Is this a reflection on them, or the world right now. It’s always both parents in work, riding bills etc etc.
Weve not built a society for parents, for infants, for children, or for teenagers. Capitalism and the loss of community plays a huge role. The declining birth rate is understandable in this climate
It’s strange that dads aren’t mentioned at all in the article. As your partner (if you have one) has an enormous impact on whether or not you face burnout and financial worry. I imagine if the question was do you regret your choice of co-parent the answers would be different. One thing I’ve learned from parenthood is that some parents are living a completely different experience to others. If you have involved grandparents and a supportive partner and your kid is in nursery from young your experience will be vastly different to having a lazy partner and uninvolved grandparents.
It feels to me like it’s almost a faux pas to talk about choosing boyfriends/ girlfriends partly on how well you think they’d cope as a parent but it’s so important if you’re somebody that wants children. I can’t overstate how happy I am to be married to a good mum. It would be hell if she wasn’t.
This is why cultures that believe the man in the sky made everything and that women should stay at home are going to ironically win the natural selection race
Just like my mother who had me and made sure that it was my fault I was there
Imagine being the kids who’s mothers wish they were never born.
Baby boomers had a society where you had a community a house a job and a pension. Yes they couldn’t fly all round the world but the benefits outweighed the negatives.
Alot of people as well want to enjoy their lives and not have kids
You used to get married and have kids. It was just part of life. Few people thought do I want kids. What you see now is a result of people choosing.
I think some couples see having children as just „the next step“ in their relationship, rather than actually considering the full implications
Imagine burning through the wealth from the industrial revolution in 3 generations by empowering the class that can’t link having children with responsibility.
As someone who has just helped my partner though 4-5months of perinatal depression anxiety much of which routed in ‘I think we’re going to regret this, I don’t know if I should be a mam’….today I’ll be strongly railroading her away from the bbc
I’m 10 months into parenthood now. The day my daughter was born was one of the best days of my life, and I have no regrets about becoming a dad.
However, we don’t have grandparents heavily involved and we’ve only had a babysitter twice in 10 months. My partner and I have been solely responsible for her care, as we expected before she was born. I hadn’t appreciated how exhausting it is raising a child, working full time, all with little support. I’m envious of friends who have grandparents involved. Some of their grandparents even look after their grandkids for whole weekends.
My partner and I talked about having another recently, and I said I don’t know if I have the mental bandwidth or energy to do it. And I’m not the one giving birth to them!
I’m 23 and I had a vasectomy done the minute my best friend told me he and his girlfriend were expecting
I’m not surprised.
Women are now expected to still be the primary care giver whilst holding down full time jobs or sometimes even being the main earner.
I work an extremely demanding job surrounded by women who are the higher earners in their relationships, yet everytime the children/school/dentist/doctors/clubs etc need to get hold of a parent they are ALWAYS the default.
I’d LOVE to be a father, but I really am hesitant about being a mother
I recommend everyone checks out r/regretfulparents before having children. Think about it, and decide whether children are really for you
My old boss is around 40 and has 2 kids, 5 & 7 years old.
She said she if she could do her life over, she wouldn’t have kids as her entire life needs to revolve around them instead of what she wants to do.
Western/White culture is very individualistic and this is the consequence. Parents raise children with no help and old people go into retirement homes.
I am a single dad of 3, luckily my parents help when I have to go to the office, one of the most important things is finding the right person and support around you, it’s almost impossible to do it solo
So my child has Autism. I don’t regret having him and he really is my world. I am, however beyond exhausted, not by meeting his needs or caring for him. I’m exhausted by constantly advocating for him and his educational needs. I now suffer from severe anxiety and rarely sleep. There is very little support when raising neuro diverse children. You get the diagnosis and are then left to drown. The terror I feel knowing my child will not only not be supported, but punished for his Autism in mainstream secondary school is making me ill. Mums wouldn’t feel like this if there was support and understanding. Mums don’t speak up because we’re judged and classed as failing our kids. We fight constantly and it’s breaking us.